Yesterday was a bad day

My family seems to agree that a great use for Facebook is public grieving.

Yesterday was the second anniversary of my nephew’s death from a massive coronary. He was 39 and left behind a lovely wife who he adored, and four children. He was a good man. An ex-Marine, Corrections Officer, Volunteer Firefighter, and a Christian very involved in his Church and Community. He was the kind of Christian I look up to. I wish we had more pagans like him.

Early in the morning, the posts started coming. Favorite pictures. Odes to his wonderfulness. Last moments shared. Puddles of pain, gallons of grief.

By 10 am, I was a basketcase. I huddled in my room, in my bed, howling with grief. I ate an entire bag of Halloween candy. My blood sugar reading shot up to over 400. I didn’t care.

Sandy came in, and poked at me until I agreed to go out with her.

Then, that afternoon, my niece posted a picture of her mother’s flowers. The second anniversary of Janell’s death. That undid me again.

I don’t dare go to their Facebook pages. The family and friends tend to use them as shrines, and leave offerings of love and prayers of poignant wishes. It is rather like the candles and flowers left at a memorial site in the cities…only this is in zeros and ones that never seem to fade away.

Today was better. I constructed elemental altars in the circle in our backyard. I even started my first ‘pit-firing’.

All the little bits and pieces of greenware are tucked into their soon to be fiery nest of cedar chips.

Cedar chips and aluminum foil. Simple, simple, simple.

A nice wide spliced aluminum foil tarp for the burning bed of cedar chips.

Lit in three spots for even burning. I had no idea it would burn so FAST! QUICK! Throw on the foil!

Next time, I’ll remember ‘Foil First Fire Second”. Phew….four layers of foil later (fire burns through foil…fast!) and a couple of little scorch marks, the fire is smoldering nicely. With a couple of partially burned logs on top in case the wind whips up a bit, we’re all set for the night. I’m excited to see what I drag out tomorrow.

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